Dear baby N,

Your mother called me a couple of days ago and asked me to pick one of a few names, when I did she said: okay, that’s on the list. I will send you some more tomorrow. I picked Layla out of a long list of names your mother likes, but I love the name Layla.

I called her today and asked if she could please add Maya to the list, and she agreed. Which is great, because it is one of my two favorites so far (the other is Zahra, but your mother doesn’t like it anymore!).

I am a little sad, though. It’s been five weeks since I last went home. I’ve been away for strange reasons, mostly for work, but also because I’ve been stuck out of our home for administrative purposes, which is extremely annoying. I miss your mother so much. I miss her like I’ve never missed anyone before.

It’s amazing, I hope to one day give you this advice, but there was a time when I was happy to be left to my own devices. I love people, you see, and it’s easy for me to meet more people. My favorite times were when I went out with friends, but quickly abandoned them to meet more people, knowing that I have a safety net should I slip and fall. I still love people, and I still love meeting new people, but I miss your mother so much that I’ve become a recluse of sorts.

She’s also unhappy with me. A few weeks ago I promised you that I’ll try to be there for every scan, and to help your mother get through this, but I’ve already broken that promise, and you haven’t even been born yet.

I’m also amazed and how much I love you. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of you, and I can’t wait to meet you. 

I’ve finally found my camera (you’ll soon find out that I lose stuff) so I’ll post some pictures of you and your mother.

Love you loads,

Dad