Anonymous asked: I think that you are doing an amazing job by preparing youself with a blog. there are a million thoughts, and its nice how you placed them all on this site. GOOD LUCK(:
Thank you for your message, appreciate the support.
Anonymous asked: I think that you are doing an amazing job by preparing youself with a blog. there are a million thoughts, and its nice how you placed them all on this site. GOOD LUCK(:
Thank you for your message, appreciate the support.
Dear Zahra
Religion, God and all things spiritual were topics I always knew will come up one day, even on this blog, but that I had to think very carefully about what I would tell you.
We are, all things considered, Muslim (basically by birth). Today, that’s not a very good thing to be, but I’m sure it’ll be different when you’re older. Either way, I was never brought up to be religious, and I liked the freedom that gave me. That might be one reason I insist on sending you to an international school, with a similar curriculum to mine. It won’t be easy, but you’ll be a better person for it, and far more tolerant of all around you.
As I grew older, I learned to trust religion and the religious even less, but I believed in God only because it made a little bit of sense to me (though not much) and I was worried about being wrong about the whole religion thing. So it was a hedge!
Still, had the topic ever come up, I was going to tell you how it’s more important to be good than be religious, and I still believe that, but I am a little conflicted today. I still disagree with many of the ceremonious and symbolic aspects of religion, and I always will, but I need desperately to believe in a God.
As a teenager, you want to sound smart, and so reject God, religion and all other forms of establishments. You rebel against the norm, because you want to appear more independent. Never mind that all your peers are doing the same, and all the adults couldn’t care less, and so it seems a little futile in retrospect. Now, however, I don’t care about being just one amongst many, so long as you’re okay. Self actualization isn’t something I look for, anymore, I feel that, very quickly, I now live only for you, and I hope and pray that I will be a good dad.
When I look at you, I pray to Him that you’ll be safe, and that I’ll be able to provide for you and raise your right. I cling onto the belief that there’s a bigger, stronger force out there that I can plead with when I’m feeling helpless and vulnerable, and when I need to turn to a larger being. I know the road a head won’t be smooth, and I don’t want to make too many mistakes. That’s what I pray for before going to bed. That’s who I turn to when I’m carrying you and worrying about losing my footing (I can be clumsy!). It’s the fear and trepidation that I may not be as good a person as I could, that make me cling onto the belief that with God in my life, you’ll be okay.
I hope I haven’t been too cynical, darling. If I have, I apologize.
For now, sleep well my angel, and sweet dreams.
Love,
Dad
It turns out, I know hardly any nursery rhymes, but I do know a few songs. I usually sing this to you when I’m trying to put you to sleep, and you seem to like it :)
My favorite picture of you. You were sitting outside early in the morning on a sunny day with your mother when she took the picture and sent it to me. It’s quickly become everyones phone wallpaper pic.
Dear Zahra It’s just over 8 weeks since you’ve been born, and it’s been an absolutely wonderful time. You smiled at me last week and that made my day. A couple of days later, you laughed out loud and it was just magical!
There have been challenges, though. I’m beginning to worry about travelling as much as I do. I try to hold you loads, feed you and change you. I try to put you to sleep when I’m back from the office. I succeed quite often, but when you’re in a bad mood, as you were tonight, I sometimes feel helpless.
We have a nanny who’s helping us out. When you cry, I do so much in the hopes that you’ll stop, but as soon as you hear her voice, or she holds you, the tears stop! It’s heart-wrenching. Your mother thinks I’m wrong to believe that it has anything to do with my travel, or work, but I can’t help but wonder why it’s so.
We’ll have a good relationship as you grow up. I know that already. I just wish we can have an honest and open relationship too, and that you come to view me as someone to help you when you’re down.
Love you loads,
Daddy K
Dear Zahra
You were born on the 25th of October. You were quite small, 50 cms tall and 2.8 KGs. Your mother and I been immensely happier with you around.
Today you smiled at me, I think for the first time, you have smiled before, though not sure what at. Bit tonight, as i came to kiss you good night, you turned, looked at me and smiled. It filled my heart with joy!
Your mother and I always wonder, what will you be like when you’re older? Will you still love us? Will we be close? Will you share your secrets with me? It is a scary thought and i know no matter what, it will be an intereting journey ahead.
Sleep well my little angel, and I love you loads.
Dad.
Dear Daughter
Tonight your mother and I will go check-into the hospital. It’s pretty exciting. This time tomorrow you’ll hopefully be here and I would get to finally meet you after a 9 month wait!
Your mother has been a trooper. She’s been amazing over the past 9 months, and has added a grace to pregnancy that wasn’t there before :) She managed so much without me, and never complained. You’ll like her when you meet her.
As for me, well, I’m not sure what sort of a father I’ll be. Today, I can only think I’ll be relaxed and helpful when you need me. I don’t think I’ll say “no” to you too often, but I may try to discuss things a lot! It’ll get on your nerves a bit later on, unless you’re like me then you’ll enjoy it.
I promise we’ll work hard to give you a good life. I’m not sure what that means yet, but we’ll provide food, shelter and a top education. We’ll teach you right from wrong, and your mom will probably talk to you about religion. It’s up to you to decide how much of all of this you’ll retain.
It’s a big day tomorrow, so rest well (stop kicking your mom at least) and see you then.
Love,
Dad
Dear Daughter
You’re nearly here. Your room is ready and you’ve more clothes than I do, thanks to your mother.
I’ll post a few of the pictures later.
We’ve also been told that you may be coming early. I can’t wait! We’ll finally get to meet. Your mother thinks you’ll be here as soon as the 15th of October, if you wait a week you’ll be born on the same day as your uncle, Saoud, who was born on the 21st of October.
If you wait even longer, you’ll be born with your other uncle who was born on Halloween! He’s pretty cool, too…
Love you loads,
Khaled
Baby Z
Your almost 30 weeks now! 12 more until we meet, and boy am I excited!
I missed yet another scan, but surprisingly your mother isn’t that upset! It’s a good thing, I suppose. I am away, again. It seems that every time I try to get a job that will keep me grounded, I end up travelling a great deal.
So, what’s in store for you? I’ll put your crib together when I’m back home and we’ve got your room almost ready! I hope you like it :)
So, I think this is when I need to start telling you about life, liberty and impart pearls of wisdom. I’ll need to think long and hard about what I want to leave you with, for who knows if we’ll ever have the time to have these conversations: it’s easy to get caught in the hustle and bustle and forget why you’re here.
Love you loads,
Dad